Dear Bruce,
Listen, I know you have a lot of money. Like, piles of cash that you don't know what to do with.
But surely, there's got to be a better way to throw your money away than to keep trying to haul me into court.
I suppose you might be thinking, now that you've managed to have your attorneys wipe your Wikipedia page of the disturbing record of your sexual behavior, that your story has faded into the background and you can plague me with this deposition nonsense without consequences.
Think again, Braveheart Boy.
I found out the other day that you've appealed a judge's decision after he agreed with me that I shouldn't have to testify in your pathetic legal action against your former fifth wife. In 2007, our writer interviewed that wife and now you're trying to drag us into court, saying that merely talking to her violated the conditions of some no-doubt sadistic gag order you had her under.
But we both know why you really want to get me under oath. You have never gotten over our 2006 article that outed your years-long sexual relationship with one of your daughters, which culminated in the bizarre "wedding" you had with her in Westminster Abbey.
I'm guessing that by now you've managed to get yourself back into the good graces of your hedge fund buddies who maybe didn't hear that little tale the first time around. And with Wikipedia scrubbed, you must figure it's time for a little payback in the form of some old-fashioned gratuitous lawyer-harassment.
While we await the outcome of your appeal, why don't we just reacquaint readers with what landed you in court to begin with.
It all started -- for us, anyway -- when a reporter named Kelly Cramer visited the federal courthouse in Miami and leafed through a docket. She wasn't looking for anything in particular, just keeping an eye out for something out of the ordinary, when she stumbled on a document showing that a woman named Linda Schutt was suing her own father (um, that would be you, Bruce).
Wondering what kind of family squabble it could be about, Kelly asked for the case file and started digging. She soon realized she'd hit on the biggest vein of journalistic ore in her career. That Florida federal case turned out to be just one of five going on in jurisdictions around the country, including Mississippi, Connecticut, New York, and California. Soon, she was pulling paperwork from every one of those lawsuits, and, oh, what those documents revealed.
Here's what Kelly found in those court documents, and in the voluminous research she did in interviews with people you had known and worked with.
Over the years, as a high-flying financial player at places like Bear Stearns and then later managing your own hedge fund, you had not only amassed a fortune, but you had reproduced prodigiously, having six children by three different women, and then marrying a fourth. Then, in 1990, there was that great shock: You learned about Linda. Gorgeous, talented, eager-to-meet-you and all-grown-up Linda.
See, back in 1968, you'd had a short fling with a woman named Myra Westphall, a woman you hadn't heard from in decades. What you apparently didn't realize was that your short affair had left Myra pregnant, and that she'd given up the child for adoption. That little girl, Linda, grew up and, naturally, once she'd become an adult, wondered about her birth parents.
Myra, after Linda tracked her down, in turn put Linda in touch with you. That must have been some surprise to find you had a previously unknown 21-year-old daughter taking classes as a sophomore at San Diego State, Bruce. In fact, you did the prudent thing and asked Linda to take a paternity test, just to make sure she was actually your child. After the test came back positive, showing with 99.7 percent certainty that she was your daughter, you enthusiastically took her into the family, made her part of lavish family holidays, set up a trust fund for her, and even paid for her to finish college.
Then, eight years later, it was time for Braveheart.
In her video deposition, Linda herself tells the seduction story in chilling detail. She had finished college and was almost finished with a PhD in psychology when she visited you in your palatial Westchester County estate. I'll let Kelly Cramer take over here for this next part...
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